Talia is 4 weeks old!

Hard to believe we've had our girl for 4 weeks already! It's gone by in a blink in some ways, and feels like an eternity in others ( namely the sleep department!)

We are starting to figure things out.  She likes to sleep on us, particularly when being fed, which has led to a lot of frustration and anxiety for me.  I'd say 80 percent of my thoughts have been consumed with some worry about her getting enough food, if what I'm eating is the cause of her less than normal bowels, if letting her always fall asleep while nursing is going to cause problems later, if her latch will ever look right to me, and on and on and on!  I've exhausted myself with worry, and am trying to step back and just enjoy my beautiful baby girl!  

We had a weigh in yesterday, and while she is definitely small, she is consistently gaining a good amount of weight.  So it must be working!  She was 8 lbs 11 oz yesterday, up 6 oz over 7 days which is great!  So now I have to trust this system for the next 2 weeks, and try to not let myself fall into a bad pattern of worry again!

She's changed so much since we brought her home!  She's making lots of eye contact, and had given us a few smiles in the last couple days!!!  She's so interested in the world around her, often to the detriment of getting her to sleep!  She had been pretty awesome at night, sleeping for good long stretches, but the last week that went out the window except one blissful night!

Her baby acne has been pretty bad!  I'm ready for it to clear up already! :). It's hard to take photos when she kind of looks like a creature from the deep!

She is super strong, holding up her head for impressively long periods!  She doesn't enjoy tummy time much, but we are trying to make her do it even though it pisses her off and often snaps her content periods.

She's been on her first ferry rides to see all her grandparents, and had an adventure to see her daddy play soccer the other night! He even scored a goal for her!  I'm getting more comfortable with nursing on the go.  I'm ready to understand her eating schedule a little better though, as we seem to run into her hungry times at somewhat difficult times!

We definitely have a thumb sucker on our hands.  It's good in that she can self sooth sometimes when she manages to find her hands, but also something we aren't sure about long term! We will probably end up giving her a pacifier, but until I feel a little better about her latch, we think we should wait to avoid "nipple confusion."  Same goes for a bottle.

I've pumped a couple times, and think it is pretty darn cool!  I love seeing the milk come out and knowing that I really am producing food for her!  I'm looking forward to having a little stash so I can feel comfortable leaving her with Kevin or a sitter for more than an hour!

Because of her style of eating, I've been encouraged to feed her often.  It's been hard for me.  I'm such an on the go person, I have a really hard time sitting still every other hour, often for an hour!  But I'm trying to embrace it, since everyone says I'll miss it someday! :). 

She's outgrowing her newborn clothes!  I think I'm a little strange in that I'm really looking forward to her bring bigger and more interactive.  Newborns are terrifying and so helpless! :)

I love watching Kevin being a dad!  If ever there was a man who should be a stay at home dad, it's him!  He's so smitten with her, and delights in everything she does!  From giggling about her diaper changes, to staying up with her when she is screaming her head off at midnight, to making sure she gets her prescribed tummy time exercises in, to reading stories to her everyday, he is truly remarkable!  Plus he's been an amazing support for me as I navigate all my myriad emotions about motherhood!  Things are settling down, and we are figuring out how to be a little family together!  

Here's to a crazy first 4 weeks!!!  Our girl will be one month on Sunday!!! We kept her alive for a month! :)

Welcoming Talia Camille!!!

Born on June 27th, at 4:26pm, weighing 7 lbs 15 oz and 20 inches in length!

She is a beautiful perfect little girl, and we couldn't be happier!

She came into the world a little differently than we expected. We'd planned on a home birth, and I was really looking forward to becoming parents in our own space!  But our girl had different plans in mind!

I'd had a terrible sleep on Wednesday, and we had a very busy day on Thursday, going to Kevin's office picnic, shopping, and a big walk around the neighborhood. So of course I was hoping for a good nights sleep that night!  Ha!!

 My water broke the evening of June 26th, and there was definitely meconium in it. We contacted our midwife Tracy, who was actually at the birth center for another birth! We took a sample of the waters for her to check out. While there was meconium, it was pretty light, borderline worrisome. Tracy gave us some options, including going home to rest and assessing the morning, versus going to the hospital that night. I wasn't actually in labor yet, so Tracy would not be able to monitor me and the baby, and there is a risk with meconium that the baby is in distress, or that if she inhaled any of it, there are pretty serious respiratory risks. We thought it over briefly, and decided there was no way either of us would get any sleep if we went home, and the risks outweighed our desire to have a home birth.

So we called Kate up, and she met us at our house to get a bag packed up and headed to UW hospital. They are known for being really respectful of home birth transfers and try to be accommodating to our hopes for a natural birth.

We arrived around 1am, and got situated and checked out by the night doctors. At this point I was finally having very mild contractions, but they talked about if I hadn't progressed by morning we would have to talk about induction.  

When everyone finally left our room around 2:30, bam, my contractions started in earnest! They were 5 minutes apart from the get go, but I was able to breathe through them on my own for the first hour, then Kevin woke up and would help me breathe and hum through them.

We worked together all night, catching little naps between each contraction until about 7am.  Then Kate came in and started having me move into some new positions and massaging my back. I was really tired, but feeling good about my progress.

Details are hazy from here on out! Basically, everytime the doctors would come by to check on me, they would be surprised at how much progress I had made!  They would start to say if I hadn't reached a certain point by the next time they checked, then we would talk about measures to help me progress.  I think I was so determined not to have anything done that I willed my body to make things happen. :)

The first time they checked my dilation, I was 3 centimeters and 80 percent effaced.  Not bad!  At about 10:30am, i think is when I was in active labor. Kate had at some point done some acupressure on my ankles, and that made the contractions get way more intense!

At some point Kate filled the jetted tub and had me get in, and it was instantaneous relief!!! Even though my contractions were getting stronger, they were much easier to deal with in the water, and I was able to fall asleep between them, which was really good as I was so tired!!!

At some point I got out and checked again, and was 4 centimeters and almost 100 percent effaced.  We labored on the toilet some, and then back in the tub.  At some point the doctor even checked my progress while in the tub!!

All through this, it was Kevin and Kate by my side, helping me through the pain and telling me how great I was doing. It was so nice to have 2 people who I love and who love me helping me through it all.  The nurses were there but mostly just in the background, and the doctors popped in periodically to check on my progress.

When I was 8 centimeters, i think that was when I started feeling the urge to push.  I somehow got it in my head that the doctor told me to hold off on pushing so was fighting it for a while.

At about 2pm, I got out of the tub for the last time. I really didn't want to! I was scared out of my mind about the next step, actually pushing her out!!! She was still high in the birth canal, and I had to work pretty hard to move her down.  Kevin and Kate were so encouraging, but everytime a doctor would check me they would say she was still high and it would just deflate me! I felt line her head was right there, how could I not be about the push this kid out?!

We had me try several different positions to try and move her along, including draping myself over the inclined bed, using a squat bar, and laying on my back while Kevin and Kate held up my legs and helped me curl around each contraction to push her along.

At some point, the nurse started inserting her fingers in me to help me direct my pushing. It helped so much to give me somewhere to focus!  We worked like thus for what felt like an absolute eternity!  Kevin could see the progress I was making and was so encouraging! And when he finally was able to see her little head, I looked at him with tears in his eyes and a huge smile on his face and it helped me get the motivation I needed to keep going!

Eventually, her head was far enough out that i could reach down and touch her! I only did it once because it was too distracting for me, but it was so cool!!!  The team of doctors arrived, and I was told that meant baby was almost here!!!

The moment her head got around the pelvic bone and actually coming out was so intense!!! I have never felt anything like it, and frankly don't want to again! ;)  but then her whole head was out and it was such intense relief, I didn't want to push the rest of her out! But I did, and she squirted right out and they immediately placed her on my chest. She was crying and wriggling and oh so perfect and gorgeous!!! I just kept saying " my baby, my baby!!" I knew the second I saw her that she was my Talia, but refrained from saying it out loud so I could talk to Kevin about it!

The doctors were busy stitching me up (a 2nd degree internal tear, not bad!). Oh and Kevin got to cut the cord!  They unfortunately didn't remember that we wanted delayed cord clamping, but she doesn't seem any worse for the wear. Other than that, I think we basically had our home birth but in the hospital!

Talia is pretty awesome! She makes the funniest faces, and we are starting to figure each other out. I have struggled with a lot of emotions in the past week and a half.  I was dealing with a very cracked nipple and a very lazy eater, so nursing was not much fun.  I hit a pretty bad low a couple days ago.  I was crying all the time and feeling really unsure of myself with breastfeeding and general anxiety about having a newborn. It wad a little scary.  Kevin was amazing (as he has been every single moment of this journey!) and just helped walk me through my emotions and be okay with how I was feeling.  Yesterday we had a pediatrician appointment, where Talia was pronounced the picture of perfection! She is gaining weight which made me feel so much more confident in our feedings.  The doctor also said it was totally okay for me to unlatch her after a certain time which had helped tremendously!  She would stay on the breast all day if I let her!   So I'm feeling much better, and beginning to really enjoy our time breastfeeding.   

Talia will be 2 weeks old tomorrow!!  It's hard to believe it's already been 2 weeks, and also feels like she's been in our lives forever!  She's so beautiful and I love watching Kevin being a daddy!

We shall see if I can blog a bit more often as she and I get our schedules in sync!!