The Gastronomy of Marriage

I just finished reading a food writings book called The Gastronomy of Marriage by Michelle Maisto. A young New Yorker recently engaged offers to take on the cooking in the house as her fiance takes on more work to pay for their upcoming wedding. It's a sweet book, and an interesting look into how another couple deals with the sometimes dreaded, sometimes welcomed question, "What's for dinner?"


Kevin and I have been together since we were 18, and as such, essentially learned how to cook together, so I think that has made a tremendous impact on how we function as a couple when dealing with the nightly chore of dinner. We both enjoy cooking a lot, but neither one of us likes to do it every night, and we both cherish and look forward to nights we don't have to cook. A friend recently asked us if we always eat the same thing for dinner as the other one. Almost to a night, we eat our dinner together, made by one or both of us. It seemed such an odd question at the time, of course we eat the same thing, we're a family! I don't want to cook two different meals! But in Maisto's book, she happens to be a vegetarian, and Rich is a meat eater. They have very different ideas about what a dinner should look like, owing greatly to the fact that she was raised in a very Italian family, while his family is Chinese. She likes heavier, rich food, while he is drawn to clean, light fare, things that are as close to what they look like fresh as cooked. Therefore, she often ends up making two meals. That would drive me crazy!

They also shop spur of the moment, seemingly every day. She attributes this to living in NYC, where it's so easy to just grab something from a bodega or a deli on the way home from work. We shop once a week. All our meals for the week are planned out, we go with a shopping list in hand, and rarely do we make something else instead. It's rigid, but it also builds in a flexibility to the rest of our week because instead of trying to think of something to make every night, we have it all planned out and can spend that time playing games, hanging out with friends, reading, and relaxing!

We are big leftovers people. Unless we make fish, we eat everything for at least two dinners. This means we cook about 3 times a week, and usually will eat out once a week. It's a nice little schedule for us, though it does take the spontaneity out of cooking. I found myself envying Maisto's spur of the moment, "what's in the cupboard to throw together" approach. As I've mentioned, my favorite kind of cooking is without a real recipe, just throwing together a big mish mash of whatever is on hand. Or nights when all I really want is a bowl of rice with some cheese melted in, or a big sandwich. Those are rare nights in our household, which is perhaps why when they do happen, I love them so much!

But if we didn't plan so well, then I wouldn't probably have dinners like this:

Japanese Beef and Soba Noodles

As a general rule, I don't cook meat. It's not that I don't love it, but I absolutely abhor touching raw meat. It makes me squeamish! I've gotten better about it, but if I can find a veggie meal that will work for my dinners, I will make that over something that means touching meat. But I've been craving some kind of steak salad, and we had steak in the freezer.

Since Kevin is working 10 hour days on his latest rotation, I offered to cook more during the week if he does more on the weekend. Somewhat similar to Maisto's situation. :) But while she sort of rails against putting herself in a traditionally female role, and struggles throughout feeling like she is letting herself down by taking on the cooking, I don't have the same issues with feeling like I'm not being a "good" feminist. I'm blessed to have a husband who is more than willing to take on his share (let's be honest, more than his share) of the household tasks. I'm messy. I'm pretty lazy. And I hate cleaning. But cooking, cooking is something I can usually get behind! Maisto comes to essentially the same conclusion at the end of the book, when Rich points out that despite her vehement protests not to be the family cook, she jumps into the kitchen at every opportunity. Overall, I really enjoyed this little book, and would recommend it to anyone who wants a peek into someone else's nightly ritual of dinner. She has some funny moments about her issues with faith, or moreover that Rich isn't as "good" of a Christian as her family would like him to be, but other than I found her charming and sweet, and a nice change of pace from the thriller of a read that Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire were!

It's funny, I didn't even really know about the genre of food writings until fairly recently, and I find myself extremely drawn to them now. Perhaps partly because I have developed a healthier relationship with food in the last couple years, not just being a snacker at every turn, but really savoring the meals we prepare and being better about what I put in my body. I enjoy food in a way I never had before, and I think that has led to me wanting to read about others joy in cooking and eating. Now I'm gonna go eat some leftover steak salad and noodles! Bon appetit!