5 months!

Our little baby is growing up seriously too quickly! It's insane that I have a 5 month old baby, with little opinions and desires and abilities all to her self!

Talia one month ago!

Talia has grown so much this month, although not a whole lot weight-wise!  She has a ton of new skills and her personality just keeps getting bigger and bigger!

Our little Halloween owl!

She is giggling, albeit only for me! But oh is it the sweetest most joyful sound I have ever heard!  She loves having her ribs nibbled on, and zerberts are the bees knees.  She smiles for just about everyone she meets these days. She babbles constantly, especially on the changing table and in the car.  She fake coughs, and it is adorable!  

She is so so close to rolling over from back to front!  She's forgotten how to roll from front to back! She can grab anything she zeros in on (watch your hair!). Everything goes into the mouth.

She is just starting to sit up for a few seconds at a time.  She usually gets distracted by her feet and topples over!  

She loves sitting in her high chair at the table with us, and usually lets us eat dinner without incident.  She expressing interest in food, but we are going to wait until Christmas to start solids.

Her sleep patterns are a little tough.  She usually sleeps well at night, though she has stopped sleeping for 10+ hours straight - which is good, more on that in a bit!  The last couple weeks she has gone down some nights without a fight, and others she screams for a couple hours.  There appears to be no rhyme or reason.  Sometimes she wakes and nurses and settles down right away, and others she screams again for a couple hours.  The exception is if I just let her sleep on my chest.  Then she's great, but I can't sleep!  But generally she goes to sleep at 7:30, wakes up one or two times, and gets up for the day around 7:30.

Naps are basically crap.  She will not go down drowsy anymore, she has to be rocked into oblivion, or else she screams.  She then generally only sleeps 20-30 minutes. Ugh.  Sometimes I can rock her back to sleep for a bit more, but she usually is pretty perky and ready to go!  It makes for a pretty long day for me and I can't get much done around the house.  We are still trying to always put her down drowsy but it's just not working this month!

Then there's eating.  Oh Lordy, how many tears have I shed, how many tight hugs I've needed from Kevin, and how tired I am of trying to make this breastfeeding relationship into some magical, easy, and mutually satisfying thing.  

Talia has always been small, and has dropped in her growth curve at each visit to the pediatrician. We thought perhaps she's just petite with a high metabolism, but I've never felt too confident that she was getting enough.

She was sleeping solidly through the night, 10-12 hours at a time.  I would get up and pump, putting away milk in the freezer for our stash, because everyone says that babies will make up the calories  during the day when they start sleeping longer.  Well not Tali! 

We borrowed a friend's baby scale a few weeks after her 4 month check up, and learned she hadn't gained a single ounce in 3 weeks! Not good!  We then measured my 24 hour output by weighing her before and after each feeding, and learned I was producing exactly 1 ounce per hour.  So when I was stashing 6-8 ounces of milk at night, she was getting far less than she needed each day to grow!  I have felt like the worst mother, knowing I was not giving her what she needed!  :/. She's so tricky, because she is super happy, never signals that she hungry, and seemed like she was just thriving, but small.

Long story shorter, we saw another lactation consultant, as well as her pediatrician, and I am now on a rigorous nursing and pumping routine to increase my supply, and always giving her a bottle of anything I pump in the night or day.  I'm also eating lots of milk boosting foods, and taking an herbal supplement called fenugreek to help.  

Today we measured all but her last nursing of the day, and my output is up at least 3 ounces, probably closer to 4.  So it is working!  We also took a naked weight, and she's about 12 lbs 6 oz today.  So she's gaining weight! A half pound in the last 2 weeks.  

We are still unsure if that is good enough.  Our ped would like her to be higher still, and doesn't want me burning out with this crazy amount of pumping.  She's given me prescriptions for a couple drugs good for boosting supply, but Kevin and I are both wary of side effects for both me and Tali.  She has also encouraged supplementing with formula.  Which gives me the worst anxiety, and I know it's irrational! So I've been working really hard, and will continue on this route at least one more week before we make any further changes.  

                        First snow!

This post feels very disjointed! I've been writing it off and on for 3 days now, so all my thoughts are jumbled up! Bottom line, Talia is a super awesome tiny baby, and I can't wait to see what adventures this month will bring!  We are just hours from her first plane ride and arriving in California, her 4th state to visit! :)

4 months!

And in the blink of an eye, our girl is 4 months old!  Seriously, when people say it goes by fast, that doesn't even begin to describe it!

Talia one month ago

Our little lady has made some serious changes!  She's a smiling machine these days.  She loves it when Kevin walks in the door, when we yawn, pretty much anytime I kiss her or lift her in the air, and is social smiling for others a ton!  

We had our first giggles, but true to her form, she is very discerning with sharing them!  I've gotten a few good ones when nibbling on her tummy, and a couple days ago she was moved by something while playing on her activity mat and giggled on her own! We keep trying to pry more out of her, but she just isn't entertained by us, I guess!  ;)

She rolls over every once in a while from her tummy to her back, but it isn't consistent at all yet, and she still gets very frustrated during tummy time! However, she tolerates it for much longer stretches now, sometimes smiles while doing it even!  She's also gaining a ton of control of her movements, and has started pushing her butt up in the air with her feet to scoot forward! 

She is soooooo close to rolling from her back to her tummy! It is going to happen any day now. She's constantly arching her back and rolling on her side, especial when she is trying to reach something.  She's figured out that she can spiral her body using her head as a pivot point to get to what she wants though, so she hasn't been forced into rolling over to get at something!  It is so cute to watch her doing it!  She also rolls on her side a lot in her sleep, so I think her first official toll might be during a nap or nighttime, which should thoroughly freak her out!

She has discovered her feet, and tries so hard to eat her toes anytime she is naked!  Toes are yummy, after all!

Sleep.  Ah the mysteries of sleep and babies!  She's been pretty good lately at night, having a lot of 7-8 hour stretches.  Which are great, except I still have to get up and pump, and then lay awake wondering if she is going to wake up before my boobs are satusfactorily filled for her!  Last night was the first time it went haywire.  She went to bed at 7:45, and I woke up at 12:45 needing to pump.  I sometimes will just pump some off to decrease the discomfort if it has been a long time and seems likely she will wake up soon. So that's what I did, and then couldn't fall back asleep!  She woke up at 2, and I nursed her, but she just wouldn't go back to sleep after that! I tried everything, including giving her a bottle of the freshly pumped milk from earlier that night, to no avail.  I finally cried uncle, and had to ask Kevin to take a turn with her so I could get a little sleep!  So he took over at 3:30, and I have no idea how long he was up but I didn't  wake up again until 7:30 when she started rustling!  

Anyway, long story short, I never know what kind of sleep we will get!  She does seem to be liking her 7:00-7:30 bedtime though, and has gone down pretty easily then!  I prefer that she wake up at least once a night, but sometimes she goes straight through til morning (especially on the weekends when Kevin is around to help with night shifts...she sleeps great those nights and he rarely has to get up with her! Ha!). 

Naps are a totally different monster.  She was napping really well, giving me at least one long 2-3 hour nap a day with 2 shorter ones.  The last week or so that went away, replaced by the 20 minute cat nap.  That ain't cutting it for either one of us!  She's cranky and tired, but just refuses to sleep.  All the tried and true tricks aren't working well either.  We think she might just be trying to catch up on eating since she's sleeping so long at night, so I'm trying to nurse her more often in the day. But we are both tired and cranky again! :)

Breastfeeding.  Ugh. She and I just can't seem to get on the same page!  Things were finally starting to feel okay, when suddenly she became aware that she had to wait for milk about 5 minutes into her feeding.  And boy is she impatient!  She yells at me, and pops on and off the breast, and then eventually gets so frustrated she cries...and me too sometimes.  I try switching sides which will help a little.  Sometimes I just make us take a 15 minute break and try again.  It's frustrating and makes nursing take even longer than it used to, and neither of us leaves it with the warm fuzzies.  Add to that my anxiety about her weight gain, and there are days I am ready to give up!  But we are going to keep trying.  I really want to breastfeed for a year.  She has a pediatrician appointment tomorrow so we will see how she measures up!

She loves to read stories, and turns the pages and only sometimes tries to eat the books! 

She's awesome when we go out, and has yet to throw an embarrassing fit (knock on wood!). She loves walks in the stroller or the baby carriers, and cranes her little head to see everything! 

Her hair is getting long and blonde!  And her eyes are still mostly steely blue, but her right eye has a slash of green brown growing.  She still loves bath time, and adores music.  I love the way she coos along sometimes!

Other monents I love:

When I'm rocking her and suddenly she melts into my arms, a sleeping beauty.

The way she plays with our faces, especially my hair and Kevin's beard!

The way she will smile hugely and then get embarrassed and look away.

The way she's starting to really coffe me.

How she cranes to find me or Kevin when we leave a room.

Watching her concentrate to accomplish something, like grabbing her feet or getting something into her mouth.

Seeing her changing every day into this little personality and just falling more and more in love with her and our little family

Happy 4 months, Talia!!!

Edited:  We just got back from her pediatrician appointment.  Well, she has not gained as much weight as we would have hoped, but the doctor isn't overly concerned.  She wants me to see a lactation specialist again to see how much she is taking in during a normal feeding.  Today she weighed 11 pounds 13.5 oz, which is the 7th percentile...So she really is my tiny sprite!  We ended up doing a nursing while there to weigh her before and after.  I'd fed her about an hour and a half earlier, so wasn't expecting too much.  She took in about 2 ounces.  During a normal feeding she should be eating about 4 ounces.  So we might just have a little lady with a very high metabolism, or she might not be taking things in as efficiently as she could.  We shall see...

4 month stats:

Height: 24.8" - 65th %ile
Weight: 11 lbs 13.5 oz - 7th %ile
Cuteness factor:  Infinite :)

3 Months!

Yesterday Talia turned 3 months old, and we celebrated by leaving her with Kevin's family and going on my longest outing without her. I'd previously only left her for 2 hours, and this was 5 hours! Oh how I cried!!! We decided it wasn't worth taking her to Sounders games anymore, since none of us has had much fun on our previous 2 attempts! So Friday we packed up and headed to the island for a full family visit!

This girl is becoming a pro at riding the ferries!

Snuggles from grandma and grandpa Dewey!

It was really hard to leave her, I cried a lot!  But I knew she was in very capable hands with her aunt Erin, uncle Adam, grandma and grandpa Shaffer, and her cousins Corbin and Eliza! They were doing the annual cider pressing, so there were lots of hands on deck and fun going on!

Kevin and I had a great time at the game, especially when we started winning!  I enjoyed my first alcoholic beverage in a year, though I probably won't be drinking again for some time. It didn't really agree with my tummy, and I hated having to pump and dump.  Timing her feeding and my drinking just didn't work well for me to keep it!  All that beautiful milk down the drain! :)

She did great though, and even got to be fed by her little cousins, which is pretty cute and fun!  It made me feel good that I can actually get away for a few hours, but boy did I miss her!!! I smothered her with kisses like crazy when we got in the door!

In a complete reversal of previous weeks, Talia has gone from not sleeping at all to sleeping like a crazy person! It started last Friday when she actually took 3 naps, and then slept for a 5 hour stretch. She has continued to sleep really well during the day, napping at least 2 hours for one of the naps and then another hour or 2 for her other naps most days.  The crazy thing though has been her night sleep!  She has increased the length every night, for a record of ten hours (!!!!!!!!) straight on Friday night!!!! What?!  I could not believe it! And of course could not enjoy it because I had to get up and pump twice during the night and was really not sure how long she should sleep! I let her go though and she just kept snoozing away!  Last night was a much more reasonable sleep, just waking once at 2:45am.  I can't believe I'm saying that I'm glad she woke up in the middle of the night, but since she went from eating every couple hours all night long to not waking a single time, my body was completely out of sync and producing way more milk than she was eating!  But I'm soooooo happy she is sleeping well for now, and hope it continues!

We've been having her sleep exclusively in her room and it's working pretty well! Kevin and I don't have to creep around in the evening as much, and can enjoy some time before we go to bed to read it talk!  We've also been putting her down for her naps when she is drowsy rather than totally rocking her to sleep, so that she learns how to soothe herself to sleep.  It has been going really well! Kevin is really good at it, I need some practice and to not be scared of her waking up right away! :)  We are kind of nap crazy right now, since she is so much more fun and happy when she has slept! Which we realize we need to chill about a bit, especially when visiting family who aren't used to waking around on eggshells anymore. It's hard to relax though, I have PTSD from the last couple months of sleepless days and nights!! 

She's becoming more and more fun every day!  She's becoming more and more aware of everything around her, taking more interest in people and the world around her.  When we go for walks in the stroller, she looks around tons instead of falling asleep.  She smiles socially, and is giving little kisses to me and Kevin.  She still hasn't giggled, but she lets you know when she thinks something is funny!  

Her dexterity is improving all the time.  She easily holds onto things and even accidentally threw a couple items this weekend!  She's got almost complete control of getting her hands to her mouth, which means she can soothe herself pretty well!  She loves kicking her activity mat pals around, and babbles away at them.  

She's still my tiny little thing, maybe closing in on 12 pounds in the next week.  But she's getting little rolls in all the right places, and is bright eyed and happy, so I try not to worry about it as much as I used to!  

Happyn3 months to the prettiest little lady, looking forward to seeing what this month brings! Hopefully giggles and some sitting up and more rolling over!

10 weeks!

IThese last couple of weeks have brought more joy than frustration, more laughter than tears!  Talia is growing into a pretty alright kind of gal, and I feel like I am settling into motherhood a bit more.  We are getting a good rhythm to our days together.  I'm learning her cues for when she is hungry or tired better, which is translating into a far less grumpy Talia!

She is cooing a ton!  The other night I was singing to her while getting her ready for bed.  I was trying desperately to think of lullabies, and coming up short! Then I remembered "somewhere out there" from  An American Tail is soft and sweet and began singing it. Wouldn't you know, she chimed right in with her own additions!  It was so sweet, and definitely the most interactive she's been! 

She's on the verge of giggling. I know it might be another few weeks, but she gets this adorable anticipatory squirm and huge grin when we do something she thinks is funny.  She had made some one syllable "ha" sounds very once in awhile. For now though, that smile of hers is pretty much the most incredible thing in the world to me.  If she's been cranky for awhile and I can coax a grin out, oh the sweetness! 

She's playing a ton with her animals on her playmat.  She's figured out she can hit and kick them, and occasionally does it with purpose.  Recently, when reading books to her, she has started reaching out and touching the pages.  Methinks it is time to get some tactile books on her shelf like Pat the Bunny!

I think I am about ready to put weight worries behind me.  At her 2 month checkup, her doctor suggested I try pumping first thing in the morning before feeding her to see how I get. If I got between 3-4 ounces, she thought that was great. If not, I could start looking into doing some things to increase my supply.  The first time I did it. I got about 2.75 ounces. Very close.  So I decided to try out some fenugreek to see if that would help bump me up, and also eating more oats and drinking mothers milk tea everyday.  Last weekend when I pumped, I got 3.5 ounces one morning, and 3.75 the next!  Yay!!! Those sessions were then bottled up and fed to her by Kevin, those killing two birds with one stone! We apparently are supposed to give her a bottle a couple times a week to make sure she keeps taking one.  We hadn't done that! :) but she has zero issues with the bottle, she just wants her food!

I've also been pumping once each morning now after her first nursing when we have gotten up for the day. I've gotten varying amounts depending on if I wait 20 minutes versus closer to an hour, but I'm pleased with the little stockpile I am building in the freezer for those date nights and Sounders games Kevin and I need to go on! :) 

I also got her weighed this week at a drop in breastfeeding support group.  I was hoping against hope that she had maintained her half ounce a day weight gain, so was thinking she would be about 10 lbs 1 ounce.  To my surprise and delight, she came in just over 10 lbs 7 oz!!!  That's nearly an ounce a day in the last two weeks! Woohoo! I don't know how much was the fenugreek, and how much was just her wanting to pack on a little more, but I was thrilled! I've stopped taking the fenugreek, so I am going to go back in 2 weeks again to check in, but obviously we can do this! I might need to be more diligent about keeping up my supply, but I know I have the capacity now!

Today has been awesome.  She had a really good sleep last night, only waking at 1:30 and 5:30, and both times went right back to sleep after eating and diaper change. I woke up at 8am and was enjoying laying in bed.  She started stirring, so I was gearing up for her to start crying. I looked over in her bassinet, and her eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling with this huuuuuge grin on her face! She has never woken up happy!! So I let her lat there for a bit, then decided to pull her in bed and see if I could get a cuddle out of her, which never works. She usually starts screaming if we don't get down to business of eating. But this time she stayed happy and we played in bed for about 10 minutes before she got restless! It was wonderful!!!!!  Then late this morning, I took a blanket outside to see if she would lay in the shade and be happy. We played outside for about 30 minutes! Yay!!!! She's not just a crying eating pooping machine anymore!

Naps are going so much better. We started swaddling her (duuuuuuh) and got a white noise app on my old phone, plus my yoga ball back from a friend.  She is usually asleep within 5 minutes of bouncing on it, and stays asleep anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour 45 minutes! Which means I can get some things done around the house (quietly, she still wakes easily from household noise) and get some me time! I am currently sitting in the backyard enjoying the sunshine and a little lunch!  

So another couple of weeks, and a lot of wonderful changes!  We are enjoying her so much, and I know I say this every post, but I can't wait to see what the next 2 weeks will bring!

2 Months Old!!!

Holy smokes, we've kept her alive for 2 months!  Talia is becoming more and more awesome by the day as her world expands! She's smiling up a storm, is on the verge of her first real laugh, is so inquisitive about the works around her, and seems like she might start rolling over any day now, if only I would stop cuddling her all the time! 

It is so amazing how much she has changed in her short life. She's gone from a little lump who only cries, eats, and sleeps to this amazing little person with a huge personality!  We can tell she's going to be a little spitfire, and she's definitely got a sense of humor! She's fascinated by the world, quite to the detriment of her ability to sleep! There's just too much to learn about and stare down!!!  

She's discovered she has hands and feet, and is getting very good at sticking her hands in her mouth, which is super handy for her self-soothing!  She ADORES her daddy, absolutely lighting up for him when he comes home or he plays with her! She's starting to like nursery rhymes (which means I should probably learn a few more!) and sometimes will sit and listen to us read a book to her!  

She is still a tiny thing, weight-wise.  I'm guessing she hit 10 pounds today if her weight trend has stayed the same.  I'm trying some things to boost my milk supply, as it does appear to be on the low side, but our pediatrician isn't too concerned with her weight at this point.  She is loooong though! Definitely taking after Kevin, long and lean!

I still am not in love with breastfeeding, but it's getting easier! And not having to deal with bottles is great! As long as she keeps growing, I'm trying very hard bit to stress about it, which is hard for me! But it's so important to be relaxed, otherwise it's a viscous cycle of not producing enough because I'm stressed I'm not producing enough! Ha!

Being home alone with her is getting easier and more fun. We have a rhythm to our days, not a schedule.  We sleep in,  I run around and get some things done while she's content, we eat, we try to nap, and we try to get out of the house every day! Sometimes a walk to the park, or a trip to the grocery.  I'm hoping we will start meeting up with more people who have babies soon, which will require me breaking out of my shy shell! :)

We are on our first real trip this week! Kevin had work in Sandpoint, Idaho, and long before she was born we thought it would be a fun trip for me and her to tag along for! And it has been!  We took off on Monday and drove out here, normally a 5-6 hour trip.  It took us about 9! We had to stop a couple times for some good long stretches and nursing sessions! She was totally awesome, content in her car seat until about 40 minutes outside of town! Not shabby!  I had bought a couple pacifiers before we left for emergency use in the car, and we were both glad to have them!  We don't want to use them much, but it definitely made the end of the trip easier on all of us!  While Kevin is working, she and I have filled our time with wandering town, hanging at the beach, and enjoying the fact that I don't need to do anything other than be with her for a few days! No dishes or laundry!  Yay!!!

I can't wait to see what this little girl is up to in another month!  We might have some laughs and some rolling over!!!  And for sure, she just gets cuter every single day! :)

6 weeks

Talia is 6 weeks old today! She is smiling lots more, sleeping really well at night, refusing to nap during the day except in arms or on the hammock, learning how to get her digestive system to work a little better, slowly but surely gaining weight, and getting prettier and prettier by the hour! :)

We've had a pretty great week! While I'm still not loving breastfeeding, and she is still a super weird eater, I've basically given in to the fact that this is the way it's going to be for a while! I'm getting much better at nursing her on the go, which opens up a lot of flexibility! I still can't believe how difficult and emotional it is, but I'm so glad that so far I've been able to nourish her from my own body and give her such a good start at life!

We had an island adventure, visiting all of the grandparents, plus many aunties and uncles! Talia and my youngest brother Joseph finally got to meet! He lives in San Diego, and doesn't get to come home too often! 

Kevin and I went on our first date! We celebrated our 6 year anniversary on Sunday, and wanted to go out for our traditional BBQ and ice cream date and reread our vows to each other. Kevin's entire family got to babysit!  We left a bit of breastmilk in case she got super cranky, and left her in the very capable hands of her Shaffer family! I of course cried before we even left the house, but once we were on our way, it was good to just have a little alone time with my husband!

It was a much more enjoyable trip to the island than our last visit! It is amazing how much we have all changed in a few weeks! Talia is getting much easier to handle, even though she is a pretty cranky baby, and I've turned an emotional corner for sure! I basically sobbed the whole time we were there last time, and this time it was just a lot of fun!

Gramma Pat gets some loves!

Grandpa Larry tries to calm our little fuss-bucket!

Content on Grammy Susan!

The whole Shaffer family managed a photo!  It was awesome having everyone home together!  I think my favorite part was how into the baby Corbin is!  He asked so many sweet questions, and at one point said the cutest thing, ever!  I was nursing her on the couch, and he said, "She's soooo cute when she's milking!"  Love it!

We also had a few adventures at home. Kevin ended up giving her a bottle for the first time the other day. We wanted to introduce it, so she will hopefully take one when we need her to!  It was actually really hard for me, I guess nursing her isn't all that bad! It was so good to give Kevin the experience of feeding her, though! And she had no issues taking the bottle. She guzzles those couple ounces right down! It made me a little envious of bottle feeders, because it was so quick!!!

We also bought a new car!  We had initially thought we could get away with only having one car for awhile, but the closer we got to the end of Kevin's leave, the more the logistics of it all seemed to point to us needing a second vehicle!  So after Kevin did a lot of homework and test drove some cars on his own, we all headed to Kirkland the other day for me to try them out!

We spent the whole day trying to decide between an Accord and an Elantra. I really wanted the elantra, I loved the way it drove, it felt comfortable, and was not a huge car! As a pretty uncertain and new driver, I wanted to feel confident! While the accord had many pros, at the end of the day I was completely in love with the elantra, and after Kevin took both cars for one last spin, he agreed!  So now I have my first car!!! And she is a beaut!  Maybe Talia will end up driving it!

Talia was a complete trooper the whole day, only for really cranky while we were signing the paper work, and then when Kevin was driving home she had an absolute meltdown and we ended up pulling off in a parking lot so I could nurse her a little! 

We also had tickets to go the the Seattle Reign women's soccer game that night, so after a quick pit stop at home, we headed into the city to catch the second half!

Now we are trying to relish our last couple days with Kevin home with us! It's going to be really hard having him go back to work, I've relied on him so much, and he's going to miss Tali like crazy!  We will have a whole new routine to try to get used to! Hopefully in the next few weeks she and I will settle into things, and maybe, just maybe she'll take a nap in her crib again someday!! For now, this is how we get it done: